Friday, February 8, 2008

Hate the fist bump

What ever happened to the high-five?
It wasn't pretty. There was a lot of room for error. But it never tried to be anything it wasn't.

Then, sometime around the mid-90s, every suburban white kid was throwing knuckles around like they were Sammy Friggin' Sosa rounding third.

Well I ain't having it. And I'm not afraid to leave someone hanging when I see it coming, either.

So last night I got roped into playing for the company bowling team due to a shortage of players (not because I'm super awesome on the lanes). And after showing up 10 minutes late - which didn't win me a whole bunch of favor to start - I was quickly instructed on the team's celebration moves. Strikes or spares get high-fives all around and anything else gets fist bumps, which was explained to me as our team's way of saying, "better luck next time."

So not only is this gesture being bandied about by non-professional athletes and non-hip-hop artists alike, but now I'm supposed to do it even when nothing good happens. When I get a 7-10 split, I'm supposed to fist bump. When I get gutter ball, I'm supposed to fist bump. I just got pink eye. Let's fist bump!

Honestly, I'd prefer a light pat on the ass, a head nod in my direction, or this

So I told my team as much.

I don't think they truly understood my stance. But I think they were just so happy to have enough players to make up a team that they humored me, and offered up elbows after every bad ball, instead.

For more on the history of looking like an idiot in public:


lingfried said...

Love you more then pretty much anything at this point, but i gotta tell you: you can't round home. you go str8 to the muthafuckin dugout once you foot home. you can, however, round first, second or third. other then that, great stuff you angry lil man... baldy.

Anonymous said...

I must say Lefty I'm a little suprised by this. Have you ever considered the hygienic benefits to the fist pump? Paticularly with bowling! Ew... those balls are a festival of germs. Think about it; everyone from the sweaty fat drunk to the kid who just got over the chicken pocks has their grimy hands in those things. I say Long Live the Fist Pump! Who needs germy palm to palm contact? I'll stick to my knuckles... thank you.