Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Fix is In

There have been many well-documented fixes in history.

The 1919 World Series, when the Chicago White (Black) Sox were paid off by the Chicago mob to throw the World Series, losing to a clearly inferior Cincinnati Reds team.

WrestleMania 1, when Roddy Piper and "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff were paid their salaries by legendary showman, Vince McMahon to throw the main event, losing to fan favorites Hulk Hogan and Mr. T. along with a surprise appearance from Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka.

The NBA '07 Season, when commissioner David Stern paid off referees Tim Donaghy (ok, so that was never proven) and who knows who else to keep the big market teams in championship games.

And Election '08, when John McCain took on Governer Sarah Palin of Alaska as his running mate to effectively hand over the presidency to his formidable opponents, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

Now I don't pretend to know why John McCain would take a fall. Perhaps he was payed off by those deep-pocketed environmental special interest groups. Maybe he was feeling the heat from Obama's Biden pick and and just needed a good scapegoat on which to blame a possible loss. Or, maybe he just got tired. He is 72 for god's sake. I'm 37 and I get cranky if I don't get an afternoon nap.

I do know that with any good fix, there are usually some significant wagers at stake. I myself had three separate bets of $20 each, made over a few whiskeys back in January of this year, when McCain had just secured the GOP nomination and Barack and Hilary were still duking it out. Don't get me wrong. I hoped to lose those bets for the betterment of this country. But I never bet with my heart.

It was a sure thing at the time. I know my countrymen. The unenlightened, McDonalds-eating, SUV-driving, debt-incurring, gun-toting Republicans. These people aren't going to sit by to watch a "neee-gro" named "Barack Hussein Osama," I mean "Obama" or that loud-mouthed bitch from the Washington
establishment who threatened them as first lady with her "commie health care plans," beat out a good ol' white boy, who served his country and has a name everyone can pronounce. Shit no!

But now, with Sarah Palin as a running mate, all bets are off. I watched her speech in St. Paul last night and I wept for all the peope who have donated their time and money to this campaign. Shrewd, passionate and outspoken - she is all those things. But a viable commander in chief, that these lunkheads can count on in the unfortunate event of McCain keeling over from a P.O.W. flashback-induced stroke. Not a chance.

I have yet to find any bookie picks online. But if anyone wants to take McCain/Palin, I'm personally offering 7 to 1 odds.